"It's not the provision I needed, it's the provider."

We practically beg God for improvement in our lives. Whether it's in our nation or in the small circle of our friends, we want God to rain down. Sometimes we don't even realize how desperate we are. We are longing for attention from God. We cry out to God for change. We beg for salvation, freedom, cleansing, love, a new heart, to break our hearts for what breaks His. And our God is so good, so purely and selflessly good, that he gave it all to us through his son Jesus. He gives us what we ask for. He gives us an abundance. We are given light and healing. And when it is given to us, we keep walking. We keep living our normal, comfortable lives. Day by day wondering when God will bless us next. Cry out day to day. We keep moving and we wonder why we move in a straight line. We pray for provision and are thankful for all God does for us. But when do our lives truly change? When does the presence of God become thick and tangible in our lives? There is provision because of the greatness of God and we give him praise and worship him. But we don't glorify him. Glorifying means to treat as more splendid and excellent than would normally be considered. People normally praise God because they are thankful for the provision in their lives. But to glorify God is to honor and to worship with every fiber of being, holding nothing back, unashamed of the person you are in Christ, and thanking God not for provision but that he is the provider.
I've wanted provision but only for a fresh burst of life. I wanted to see the glory of God but only to see it. To entertain my future. I worship God and hold back because I am ashamed of how I cannot fully serve God. I receive with hardly any thankfulness the things God has given me, the way he has completely transformed my life. I take what he gives me and keep walking. The Lord wouldn't send an anointing if he wasn't looking for someone. He wouldn't give you everything he's given you if you didn't have a purpose. You are a purpose. He is inviting us into a divine relationship that was never meant to be one way. Not just for salvation but for a savior. Not just for forgiveness but for a forgiver. Not just for peace but for the peace maker. Not just for redemption for a redeemer. Not just for love but a lover. For the author of life. An abundance of breath. An inspiration.

After Your Heart

It's easy to neglect God. I will sometimes run straight to the components instead. I'll worship until my heart wants to give out, receive encouragement and council, anything. I can handle leadership, mission trips, ministry, worship, and even intercession but I sometimes cannot handle having a conversation with the person who these things all revolve around. I run over God with the things that are like him. I can easily fill in the empty spaces in my life with these things. But sometimes I can't fill my empty heart with the actual person. The actual presence that redeems all lost hearts. Sometimes it's because I'm afraid. Sometimes it's because I'm distracted. Sometimes I'm ashamed. And sometimes I feel hopeless which is crazy because that's the reason he came. They all are reasons. And here I am, worrying about such small problems and there you are ready to bring me peace. When I mess up, there you are ready to bring forgiveness. When I neglect you and finally come back to you in repentance, there you are waiting with love and compassion. Here I am, a human, and there you are, a God, who allows me to become like his Son. I want to be after your heart, not just the things produced from your goodness.

Just Enough Room

I'm going through a process that I don't understand. Mixing a mind who wishes it was a perfectionist,  a heart who wants nothing of the sort, and a God that is bigger than life and just wants me to be obedient and submit doesn't cram into one person too well. Which is exactly why I am a 5'2 human being with not enough room to store all of how I think I am created to be. It's not about me having enough room, it's about opening the door to that room; making just enough room for God to squeeze through and swallow up all of my being to use for his will. Life was created just as human beings were: crammed, constantly moving, evolving, and easily swayed. But we have capability. We have strength and patience and peace. I aspire to be inspired daily by God. I long to carry out a quest greater than my own life. To take God with my steps. God has given me dreams and gifts but at the end of the day my plan of life is not what matters most. My future is not most important. It's who guides my steps and holds me up each day.